W3Wizardry Bogus News

By Jacob Schaer, Associated Press Writer Saturday Nov 3, 9:12 PM ET

Mesa, Arizona ? It?s a well known fact these days that Apple is a leading brand in the American consumer market. It seems that almost everyone from the high-class businessmen to the high school student has their own iPod, wants an iMac, talks about the iPhone, and wonders what to buy next on iTunes. This phenomenon is so large that Merriam Websters has coined a new word in honor of it: ?iPodiziation?. With such a large control of the American industry, it?s no surprise that the owner of Apple Corporation might be in an interesting position politically as well as economically. Up until now, everyone has assumed that the ?i? prefix of all Apple brands simply referred to the common first person pronoun. However, this explanation wasn?t good enough for the researchers at IcyBlack Research International, and sensing foul play, they investigated further. In a stunning public address, IcyBlack?s manager Gill Bates explained how the ?i? actually refers to a hidden camera found in all Apple products. Not only do these cameras have the ability to record real-time feeds of the owner?s activities while it has battery life, it also has a high frequency transmitter useful in sending the feed off for processing. The destination of the stream of data: China?s Military Intelligence. Steve Jobs was arrested on the spot, and as during his trial he willingly confessed to a conspiracy with China. He said that he and the Chinese Military had made an agreement in which Steve Jobs would provide the ability to track all of America?s youth in exchange for being allowed to monopolize the Chinese entertainment market. ?If I must say, it was pure genius of Steve, and to think that America took the bait so willingly is incredible,? said U.S. Chief Justice John Roberts after reading the official reports. Currently, the sentencing is scheduled for January 31, 2008, and for the time being, the National Security Agency is suggesting that everyone avoid using their iPods as much as possible.